on burnout

This term was rough. I don’t really have the energy to do anything, school-related or otherwise. All I do is watch useless YouTube videos, browse useless Reddit forums, play useless games, and have an overall productivity of 0%.

It’s frustrating – I want to do so much, but can’t bring myself to do anything. It feels like I’m pushing myself too hard when in reality I’ve barely pushed myself to be functional. My bedtime gets pushed later and later because I want to do something, but end up spending those hours doing nothing at all.

Where’s my motivation? Where’s my drive? I don’t even want to draw or paint anymore. I guess I just got overwhelmed with the amount of work this term. Or maybe it’s the result of having been cooped up at home for the past year and a half due to the pandemic. I don’t know.

I got carried in my labs for one of my courses. I owe that guy my mark, so I guess I’ll buy him some food the next time I see him. It’s the least I could do for not pulling my weight.

Hoping that I get my life back on track next term. All I have to do is push through this last week and pass my exams. I don’t even care about marks anymore; I just want to pass.

Sometimes I wonder what I’m in this program for. Sometimes I wonder if I should just transfer into something easier and not suffer through all this. None of my friends in other programs seem to be having a hard time. Then again, I’m already three years in – it’s too late to quit now. Two more years and I’ll be off to do full time work.

Is this all there is to life?

This sucks.